Charming or Controlling? How to Spot Narcissistic Behaviour in a Relationship

Charming or Controlling? How to Spot Narcissistic Behaviour in a Relationship

When a relationship begins, it can feel intense and exciting. But sometimes, that passion masks something more harmful beneath the surface—narcissistic behaviour.

At Tracy Dixon Counselling, I often work with individuals who feel confused, hurt, or exhausted in their relationships. They're left questioning themselves and wondering why something that felt so right now feels so wrong.

Understanding the signs of narcissistic behaviour can help you make sense of your experience—and take steps toward feeling stronger, clearer, and more in control. These are just some of the signs that you may see. We often refer to these as 'red flags'.

🚩Love Bombing: When It Feels Too Good to Be True

In the early stages, a narcissistic partner may shower you with affection, compliments, and attention. This is often called love bombing—but it's not always about love. Sometimes it's about gaining control. What matters most is how it makes you feel—and whether it comes with pressure, intensity, or emotional confusion.

You might notice:

Intense declarations of love early on

Pressure to move quickly ("I’ve never felt this way before")

Constant messaging or checking in

🚩It’s Always About Them

Over time, conversations become one-sided. Your thoughts and feelings may feel dismissed, or only acknowledged when they serve the needs of your partner.

You might notice:

They dominate conversations

They show little interest in your emotional world

They rarely ask how you’re really doing

🚩Gaslighting and Self-Doubt

Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where you’re made to question your reality. It's deeply destabilising and can cause so much self doubt.

You might hear:

“That never happened.”

“You’re imagining things.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

🚩The Shift: When admiration turns to Criticism

After the initial charm fades, things often change. You may feel criticised, blamed, or emotionally neglected—without understanding why.

You might experience:

Sudden coldness or withdrawal

Undermining comments or jokes at your expense

Being blamed for your partners' moods or actions

🚩They Don’t Take Responsibility

A common thread in narcissistic behaviour is a refusal to take accountability. Instead, the blame is often shifted onto you.

You might notice:

“You made me do it.”

No real apologies

Anger or deflection when challenged

You Deserve Better.

Recognising these signs can be painful, but it’s also empowering. If something feels “off” in your relationship, trust your instincts. You are not overreacting—and you are not alone.

How Therapy Can Help You With Difficult Relationships:

If you’re navigating a relationship marked by narcissistic behaviour, it can feel incredibly isolating and confusing. I provide a safe, supportive environment where you can begin to make sense of what’s happened—and how it’s affected you.

Together, we’ll explore your experiences without judgment. Whether you're still in the relationship or reflecting on one from the past, therapy can help you identify patterns, understand the emotional dynamics at play, and start to rebuild your self-worth. Many clients come to counselling feeling drained, unsure of themselves, and full of questions. Through compassionate conversation and evidence-based approaches, we work toward clarity, self-trust, and emotional resilience.

You’ll have the space to process painful memories, develop stronger boundaries, and reconnect with your sense of self—all at a pace that feels right for you. It’s not about blame. It’s about healing, growing, and learning to trust your instincts again.

I offer a free 15 minute telephone consultation so if you are wondering if counselling can help, get in touch here. I hope to hear from you!